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There's a sentence in the men's therapeutic work this writing draws on that is simple enough to read in five seconds and complex enough to spend years understanding: It is the Dad that makes the difference in the relationship. Not the kid.

Most boys and men do not know how important their love is to their father. They don't know that their love makes a difference.

Most men spend enormous energy trying to avoid that feeling. They read the parenting books. They show up to the school events. They try, really try, to be better than their own fathers were. And then something happens — a blowup, a silence that lasts too long, a moment they handled badly — and the feeling arrives anyway. The guarantee delivers.